080617 - Hmmm...

080617 - I spent some time with myself today...
I haven't really written here for about a week because I was thrown off track a bit. You see 5 days ago I lost my oldest living relative, Gma Heydinger. She lived 92 years! Wow! But today on the car ride to the small out of the way Ohio town of Bucyrus I thought about her and Gpa H. He died a long time ago and I have some memories of him, but very few. GmaH lived 20 years longer, yet I was having trouble remembering things about her. Was it my accident? I hardly remeber anything from growing up. I mean I remeber working on the farm and bits and pieces of certain events. But nothing like other people I know, that remeber things I did, that I don't. In some cases I suppose that is a blessing... But thinking of GmaH I remebered playing cards, carems, the house on woodlawn, her big piano in the living room, the pocket doors, the pillars. I remeber picnics, cookies without salt, family reunions and the oldest working refrigerator in the world. I guess it hit me Sunday. I went to church and this week when Grant started screaming, Lo took him out, which is usally my task. There was shortly after a song to be sung: we all stood. The song began and then some very high notes came, and somewhere behind me I heard a high crackly voice, the same voice that GmaH sang with. A voice that had been singing to God for decades before I had even been thought of. Here was my Grandma, 92 years old. She had memories of before running water, before electricity or airplanes, atom bombs or computers, and I hardley knew her. Sure she cooked the family meals when we gathered and had a noah's ark to play with. But who was she? I sat in the funeral home watching pictures of her life flashing by and saw pictures of her as a child a young mother, a working woman and then the grandma I knew... But I guess I didn't... Now being 92 I was certain that tonight there would only be a few people to stop in an pay respects. I was wrong. The place was packed for the full 2 hours and then some. People I knew, mostly people that knew me when I was only 'this high', but there were loads of people. As I looked around I realize it's not what we get or have in this life it is what we share and our families.
Now families are odd... Mine, both sides, have plenty of odd in them. I studied them as the mingled and know them, but don't know them. Just like GmaH. How many people have they touched? What have they experienced? Why don't we know eachother better. I guess I was feeling this after Mom called me friday to tell me GmaH had died. I bought a chess set for my Dad, so we could play it and get to know eachother again, instead of watching a movie or just smal talk. I remeber him teaching me how to play, but there is a lot I don't rember, a lot I have forgotten or never knew. We all need to know eachother.
I should have spent more time with you Grandma. I am sorry I didn't, and I'll try to do better with those that are still alive on your behalf. Please forgive me.
Your loving Grandson,